The Day I Fired Toddler Jesus

From the instant you discover you're going to be a parent, you develop crazy ideas about your child. Ludacris expectations, really. If you've been on social media for 2 seconds you know this is true. One semester on the A/B honor roll and your kid is the next Rhodes Scholar. A touchdown scored and parents are negotiating with college scouts. Of course, there are some parents who would say "Oh, I'm not like that! I just want my kids to be themselves and to be happy." Maybe so, but way back in the deep recesses of their minds, even those parents are hoping that their happy, self aware children will be successful enough to not live on their couch forever. 

As parents we have the absolute right and privilege to insure they do well, encourage them in areas they enjoy or are good at, and promote them and their successes, but every so often even the best parenting goes slightly off the rails. 

For example...

A few months ago, the drama director at our church asked if we would allow Benjamin to be "toddler Jesus" in our church Christmas musical. Just to clarify the role...according to the Bible the Wise Men who followed the Star to see the Christ Child didn't arrive until He was, at minimum, two years old. Tradition, of course, has them at the manger, but that really couldn't be possible if the "East" that they travelled from was more than a few miles away. Therefore, our drama team needed someone in the 2-3 year old age range to receive the Magi in Act 2 of the musical. All he had to do was stand on a bench and look adorable while the gift bearing visitors and their entourages kneel in adoration. Easy peasy. 

I agreed in a heartbeat because who doesn't want their three year old to be the center of attention and generally adored by man and Christmas beast? (They might not have been at the manger, but they still had camels!) From the beginning Benjamin did not want the part. I believe his words were "I don't want to be toddler Jesus." I suppose I should have known we might have a problem, but, good gracious, he was supposed to be the Christ Child, for goodness sake, so HE WAS GOING TO DO IT.  

Before the first rehearsal, I had a little chat with him about obeying the director and doing what he was asked to do. Again he repeated, "I don't want to be toddler Jesus." Clearly he didn't understand how awesome this was going to be, so I had a little more emphatic chat about how he would be great and the play would be fun and how he was GOING TO DO IT. Pretty sure all my parenting neurosis were fully on display at this point. 

He did what he was asked, looking as miserable and angst ridden as possible. If he was trying to portray sullen, annoyed teenager Jesus, he nailed it.

After the rehearsal, the director asked if Benjamin wanted out. It was ok, she said, he doesn't have to do it. 

Oh no, I said, he'll be fine, he was just tired. 

Ahem.

I'm pretty sure the Bible frowns on bold faced lies even if your child was picked to play toddler Jesus....

At the next rehearsal when it was time for him to go on stage, he broke down in to full on sobs repeating "I don't want to be toddler Jesus!" I peeled him off my body and handed him to the director anyway, hoping that some distance from me would give him proper prospective on the whole matter. (Go ahead and feel superior about your own parenting at this point. You would be absolutely entitled and correct.) A few minutes later a slightly defeated director returned with him declaring it a bust. Apparently, he just stood on the stage steps crying and saying he was too scared. Oh. my. word. 

I came to my senses and went ahead and fired toddler Jesus. He was elated and my parental pride slowly deflated to a more rational size. There is something slightly horrifying about the realization that you've become a crazed stage mom. High expectations are one thing, but total disregard for your three year old feelings is pretty bad.

Sometimes it's so easy to forget that our kids are still figuring themselves out. They are small and the world is so big and full of so many possibilities. Just like us, they are wonderfully complex and God has

great things in store for them despite our crazy expectations.

He didn't want to be toddler Jesus but he was more than willing
to do somersaults and jump off the risers and say "ribbit"
as a cow in the preschool nativity play. Go figure.

The stage may not be Benjamin's thing now or ever, but it's my job to assess his desires, see his needs and understand his personality so that I can guide him to find something that it is his thing. 

Even if it's not toddler Jesus.