Sometimes Crappy Parenting is the Best Parenting

I love words. Big words, small words, funny words, and stuffy words. Words that roll merrily off my tongue (historicity is my favorite) and words that I have to sound out syllable by syllable.

As you might expect, words, especially appropriate words, are a big deal in our house. Polite and kind words are lauded and praised while ugly words and words meant to hurt are chastised and redirected. Being the fantastic (and humble) parent that I am, I try and model the type of language I would like to hear in my home. Except for one little problem…I like the word crap.

I realize “crap” is not exactly R-Rated language. For most of the world, its right up there with “gee willikers” and “golly,” but for a lot of people we know it connotes just enough crassness to keep it on the “not preferred” list of expressions.

I know this. I really do. For the most part, I do a pretty decent job of not saying it. No need to cause my brother to stumble, so to speak. I’m especially careful to limit its usage around my kids. If I want them to use appropriate language, it has to start with me….

Well, imagine my surprise when my sweet, redheaded four year let out a resounding “holy crap!” on the way home from school one day. My first reaction was to applaud his outstanding usage of the expression. It was timed just right and with a profound use of genuine emotion, but, alas, I couldn’t let it go…

Micah! Where did you hear that? (Please, don’t let him say me. Please, please….)

School. One of the boys in class said it.

Ugh. School influence. Does it really have to start in Pre-K?!

Buddy, it’s not really the best language we can use. What else could you say?

Oh my goodness.

Sounds good. Let’s go with that.

A few days later, I heard it again: Crap!

Micah!

Sorry, mom!

And then, again, a couple of days later.

Micah!!

This was clearly becoming a problem. So we had a heart to heart talk about how important it is to use good language, how what comes out of our mouth is a reflection of us, etc., etc. I assure you it was brilliant parenting.

Well, a week or two later, we were driving home from picking up my oldest from school, when I rear ended a pick up truck who stopped suddenly to avoid hitting a car in front of him. The ironic thing was that I hit him because I was looking at a police officer who had pulled someone over. Genius.

Anyway, because I was distracted, I didn’t see him stop and I hit my brakes just a few seconds too late. Crash. His truck was fine. My van was…well… not.

CRAP!!

Out it came. Loud enough for all the kids to hear, especially the sweet redhead in the middle seat.

Mom!

I’m so sorry, Micah!

So, for all the reprimanding, heart to heart talks, and carefully applied Bible verses about speech, the first thing out of my mouth in the heat of the moment was the very thing I was trying to teach my kid not to do.

Sigh.

Here is the fantastically ironic and wonderful thing about the whole episode. In the aftermath of that lovely day, Micah and I were able to have a genuine talk about our struggles.

Yes, we shouldn’t say that word, but sometimes we make a mistake.

Even moms.

Especially moms.

When we do make mistakes, we ask for forgiveness and we move on. In those mistakes we create space for grace. Grace to know we are not perfect, that we struggle with things, that try and try as we might, there are areas of our life that only God can make right.

Big things and little things, but ultimately all things.

Things like using the word crap.